


What a Sad Way To Go

by orphan_account



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Crack Fic, Davenport/Merle Highchurch if you squint, John and Merle talking, Major character death - Freeform, Merle-centric, for like a minute - Freeform, self indulgent as hell, sorta?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 06:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13945113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Note to self: Never let Merle wear heelsA dumb, short fic of Merle getting laughed at





	What a Sad Way To Go

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this in advanced  
> I hate/love that this is my first fic 
> 
> More notes at the end

Merle had messed up big time.

When he was rummaging through Taakos room he didn’t expect it to cause the death of him. Who knew that he wouldn’t survive a cycle because of some shoes.

Some sparkly, fuchsia colored high heels with wheels. Taako Taaco, The Wizard chef owns _fucking roller skate heels._

Maybe Pan or maybe just pure lack of impulsive control that gave Merle the idea to put those godforsaken shoes on his feet and roll around the ship.

Getting on the heels and managing to get up was the easy part... Controlling where you roll is where it gets hard.

As Merle whizzed around the ship, he failed to notice the obviously wide open door that led to the deck. Without a chance to stop himself, Merle was flung off the ship as a soft ‘FUCK’ echoed throughout the sky.

“Merle!” A shrill scream rang out and as Merle turned to see who saw his extremely embarrassing soon-to-be death, he was met with a panicked Davenport.

As the Starblaster faded out of view and the dwarven cleric fell closer and closer to the ground, he had one thought..

_I’m never gonna live this down.._

—————————————————

The next cycle was one hell of a shit show. As soon as Merle materialized, practically everyone was laughing at him or was fighting the urge to.

As Merle sat up and rubbed his head, he sees the captain kneeling before him. Merle felt his face flush in embarrassment as Davenport stares at him in confusion and as the rest of the crew laughs like hyenas.

“Merle, What even happened?” Davenport asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the dwarf.

“Well, ya see Dav,” Merle started, glancing away from the gnome in an almost ashamed way. “I found some of Taakos ol’ heelie wheelies-“ Magnus quietly wheezed from behind them and Davenport sighed. “-and I tried them on for size.”

From the other side of the room they hear Lucretia mumble, “Note to self: Never let Merle near the twins shoes.”

—————————————————

As the cycle neared it’s end, Merle was actually _excited_ to talk to John.

Could you really blame him though? He had to deal with a year of jokes about his pathetic new addition to his death count.

As Merle started the Parley, he was met with a eerily familiar sight; John sitting on the opposite side of the long table with his hands crossed patiently.

“Hello, Merle. Where were you last year? John asked, cocking his head in innocent curiosity.

_Well shit._

“Well Johnny boy, do you wanna use your one question on knowing where I’ve been?” Merle smirked, knowing he avoiding that train wreck.

“Yes, actually. I would like to know why you weren’t here. It got quite lonely.”

_Fuck shit bitch-_

“Your mistake, John.” Merle lounged back, trying to seem cool and collected. “I just died early. That’s all. Simple as that.”

John leaned forward, resting his chin in his folded hands. “How exactly, Merle? You’re being overly defensive.” A small smirk pulls at his face at the subtle hints Merle doesn’t know he’s showing. John knows this is going to be an interesting story.

As Merle realized there’s no escape, he sighs. “Alright, ya got me.” He held his hands up in mock surrender. “I fell off the Starblaster.”

“How?”

“Whatdaya mean ‘How’?”

“I mean how did you fall off?” John sighed and shook his head. “Honestly Merle, you need to stop playing coy with me.”

Merle fell quiet before realizing he has to come clean. “I put on roller skate heels and I fell off the ship,” he said quickly, hoping John couldn’t hear the embarrassing story

Merle didn’t really notice Johns reaction until it exalted from chuckles to full on laughter. As he looked up he saw John with his face in his hands as he genuinely laughs. After a beat, Merle’s confusion turned into anger. It wasn’t even that funny of a death.

(He knew it was, but, he didn’t want to admit it.)

Slowly, John’s poised demeanor returned. He ran his fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair and sighed. “My apologizes.. That’s honestly quite a story, Merle. I bet it was a sight to behold.” He folded his hands and leaned forward a bit, causing slight unease from the dwarf. “I would like to learn more about your skating mishap.”

Merle couldn’t help but groan. He’s supped to get information out of John, not embarrass himself in front of him. Magnus had told him not to show weakness in front of John and now he’s just telling the man who’s hunting them a funny story. Even though he hated this, they had an agreement. “Well, I was going through one of the twins rooms and I found these pinky purple heels with roller skates.

John smirks again and Merle wants to curl up and end this Parley.

“Something in me told me ‘Hey jackass, roll around in these puppies!’ So, I did. Controlling yourself isn’t very fun so I ended up not being able to stop while rolling around the deck and bing, bang, boom! I fell off and died.”

“I see.. That must have been embarrassing. Now, what’s your question for me? We’ve postponed your question long enough.”

Merle really had to think about this.. This was one of the most nerve-wracking parts of the parley. It all leads to this part; getting an answer from John, the creator of the Hunger himself.

“John, I know what I wanna ask.”

The human raised a brow as he awaited the dwarfs question.

“Can we end this? Like, ten minutes ago?”

John stared in surprise but nodded. “Of course. Thank you, Merle,” as he spoke, he raised a hand which with a snap became engulfed in those familiar black flames. “I honestly haven’t laughed that hard in ages. I’m excited for our next meeting.

  
And before Merle could get another word in, he feels the overwhelming and blistering pain of the dark flames as he dies, once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Im once again sorry for this but hey, I had fun writing it  
> Me and Epi_Girl somehow ended up talking about Merle stealing roller skate heels from Taako and dying. It slowly progressed into Merle consstantly getting teased for it and even John is amused 
> 
> Also hey check out @Epi_Girl they’re cool and have great stories


End file.
